Splitting my time between Hong Kong (work) and USA (home) until 2027: I’m looking for someone to follow me to the ends of the world, physically and emotionally.

 

This profile is intense by design. I’m not here for casual. I’m here for my best friend/life partner. I refuse to water myself down to appeal to a broader audience.

 

I know who I am and what I offer. I’m looking for a very specific woman. Is it you?

 

Since age 25, I’ve worked and saved to retire young and travel the world on a motorcycle. I’m nearly there.

 

I’m frugal. I've arranged my finances to support a modest life without us needing to work for money.

 

I want someone who sees the life I’ve carved out as a gift. A gift already being shaped with her in mind.

 

I expect similar devotion. My best friend: clingy, smothering, unapologetically making us the center of her life.

 

A woman bursting at the seams with love to give, who most other men would say is "too much".

 

An introvert looking to (not exaggeratedly) spend 23.5+ hours a day with her partner. Where 24/7 is our north star.

 

An "us against the world" kind of relationship.

 

I have a pretty epic "life program:" I’d love to take you by the hand and lead you around the world. I want a partner who feels safe surrendering, someone who doesn’t just tolerate being led, but finds something sacred in trusting her partner enough to call herself his follower. Someone who’ll jump into my truck, snuggle onto me from across the bench seat, and fully trust me to take the steering wheel and lead us somewhere beautiful: physically, emotionally, and in life.

 

Maybe you’ve been told you're "too much". Too intense, needy, nurturing, obsessive, loving… Maybe you’ve been waiting for someone to want your overflowing cup of love.

 

Bluntly, I'm looking for someone who wants a 'tradwife' type relationship (except the ‘having kids’ part). Extreme in devotion, polarity, and roles. I want someone who takes as much satisfaction in baking me a pie in a 1950s apron as I take in swinging a hammer to build our house. If you value independence, career ambitions, take pride in being disagreeable, etc, we won’t be a good fit.
 

My relationship will be the center of my life. I study relationship psychology and find purpose in serving my partner.

 

I value someone capable of admitting she is wrong. I value integrity in fact and in appearance, love as a choice not a feeling, clearly communicated expectations, and loyalty to a fault.

 

We’ll spend years living on the road, sleeping in a tent, waking up to new scenery in foreign countries again and again.

 

A life worth writing a book about. I envision an old wrinkly couple on rocking chairs reminiscing about our misadventures.

 

When not on the road, I’m a homebody. Let’s have a PC gaming day, eat junk food, cuddle on the couch, and get fat together. Let’s disappear from the world.

 

I’m going through a city-guy turned country-guy process on 40 acres of rural land in AZ. Learning DIY. I want a partner beside me. Even if just to hand me tools and keep me company.

 

I'm not on instagram or tik tok. I dislike social media and prefer a partner who feels the same way, who doesn’t seek validation outside the relationship.

 

I'm a professor. I value a partner that I can philosophically dance with.

 

Location-wise, I am not 100% committed to Arizona, but I am very partial to the US. I like AZ; I spent five years there doing my PhD. I enjoy the space, scenery, freedom, and dryness.

 

Bedroom-wise... This part of my life is emotionally charged and essential to how I bond. I'm into ANR and feederism. Rituals of closeness and care that reflect how I love: physically, fully, and often. If embodying a smothering, mothering caretaker feels like your cup of tea, I’ll be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. I want to be unambiguous: I need a daily, active, and exploratory bedroom woven into our life together.

 

In the same spirit, I want to touch on power, control, and how our relationship will be structured.

 

I refuse the subtle power struggle that happens in modern relationships. I don't believe in 50/50 dynamics. I find them disorienting and emotionally unsafe. I crave clarity. I want to have only one person behind the wheel. Stereotypically that is supposed to be the man. I am a traditional guy, a provider, a man that has conquered a PhD, the ivory tower, white collar work, but one that can also swing a hammer, turn a wrench, and build a house from scratch for you to live in.

 

I don’t need to lead in order to feel powerful. But I need someone to be the leader. I need structure in order to feel secure. Something similar to total power exchange. Not necessarily as high protocol BDSM, but in the emotional and relational sense. I want only one person to be in control at any given moment, even if it isn’t always me. I want the warmth that comes from surrender, and the safety that comes from trusting who holds the wheel.

 

For example, I’m happy to lead most of the time. To be the shield between you and the world. But behind closed doors, I want to be able to hand you the reins completely. To collapse into your arms and be held like something sacred. To let you cradle my inner child, and hear you say, “I’ve got you now.” That exchange... That trust... That's what I mean by power as a form of love.

 

I’m drawn to the idea of ritualizing that exchange, even symbolically. A phrase, a bracelet, or a gesture, what matters is that we both know who holds the wheel in that moment. 50/50 dynamics incentivize vying for authority while abdicating responsibility. That friction, that ambiguity, especially for someone with anxious attachment, feels profoundly unsafe.

 

I'm capable and willing to lead. But I am just as fulfilled surrendering to someone consistent, nurturing, and competent. What matters to me is not who’s in charge, but that someone always is.

 

I want ritualized structure. A solid 30 minutes of unquestioning service to the other, every day. Whatever the other partner wants: a massage, help with a project... Similarly, we’d have a gratitude practice at the end of the day. Five+ minutes of gratitude for each other’s presence in our life. It's nice to hear and be the recipient of that gratitude. But really, it's much more important to be the sender of that gratitude. To remind ourselves to be grateful and not take our partner for granted.

 

Just to save us both time: I'm really looking for someone who is reasonably ready to leave it all behind and follow me to the ends of the world. If commitments have you tied down to where you are, I won't be a good fit. I won't do long distance more than a couple months.

 

I live a rough life. I’m “camping” on my land until I sort out my utilities. When I first showed up on my land in the middle of the Arizona desert, I had 40 acres, a tent, a truck, and a shovel. I've slowly built it up: solar power, a shipping container workshop, and an old 70s airstream RV trailer that I'm pouring a lot of love into. It’s been a huge adjustment going from the air-conditioned PhD life to welding and building, but it’s been extremely rewarding.

 

Similarly, when I travel, I tent camp and couch surf. I've met wonderful hosts that have acted as local tour guides everywhere I go, and I've enjoyed remote scenery that few will ever see. I love traveling like this. I hope you’re tough enough for it.

 

On the topic of things I hope you are…

 

Please be free of STDs/cold sores/etc.

 

Similarly, please swipe left if you have an avoidant attachment style, you're into poly, have ever had an OF, or are streaming/attention seeking online.

I don’t ghost. After a few long calls, I’d expect us to be booking flights and cutting others off. I’m not here to be on a roster, or build one. I want to find my best friend and ride off into the sunset.

 

I don't maintain friendships with past romantic interests. I don't think it's fair to your partner. I expect things to be on the up and up, not just in fact but also in appearance.

I am not a perfect person. I have weaknesses, insecurities, and fear of abandonment. I want a partner I don't have to hide weaknesses from. Someone who will actively take on the responsibility of being emotionally supportive.

 

I am looking for someone who, like me, is also very anxiously attached.

 

Anxious attachment has endearing traits, including making the relationship an extreme priority, and being very emotionally available and supportive. AAs are typically very giving. However, AAs can be clingy, needy, possessive, jealous, maybe even controlling. AAs also have a conflict style of wanting to immediately resolve problems, even if that means hours of talking. AAs dislike space and privacy in relationships. AAs are bad with boundaries, and need constant reassurance.

 

I have these traits, and I would like someone who is the same.

 

A relationship between two deeply needy people will be codependent. I consider this a feature, not a bug.

 

Codependence means you "lose yourself" into the relationship (aka “enmeshment”). Where the two people converge in beliefs, values, and hobbies. Where individuality is sacrificed at the altar that gives birth to a shared identity that is better and greater than what you’ve surrendered.

 

I want you to be my ride or die. When someone asks “who are you?” I want you to answer, emphatically: "I am whatever he needs me to be. His best friend. His shrink. His mom. His adventure buddy. His cuddle machine. 'His', that's who I am."

 

Codependence, enmeshment, etc... These things stereotypically carry a negative connotation, and despite that, this is what I want. I want to find a partner that is similarly enthusiastic about a relationship of searing intensity and devotion, and completely inoculated against external voices who would ascribe negative labels to that intensity.

 

I want us to meet each other’s neediness with a love that feels like a warm blanket. Where “I need you right now” always gets priority treatment.

 

Where needs for reassurance are met with… Reassurance.

 

 

TLDR;

Libertarian
Professor
Biker
Couch surfer
Homesteader
Don't have/don't want kids (Dealbreaker)
Horribly allergic to dogs/cats
Agnostic
Frugal. (FI/RE)
Thrifting
Video games
DIY
Investments
Psychology
INTJ
AS:Anxious Preoccupied
LL:Touch (Clingy, cuddly)
Divorced
5'6"
160lbs
PhD

We are all broken in our own idiosyncratic ways from our life experiences. The best that we can hope for is to find someone whose broken pieces fit our own broken pieces like a puzzle.